September 1, 2000
"Sir Geraden," the young ones cry,
"We haven't learned a thing,
Except that you're a clumsy fool
And grave misfortune bring!"
"Oh ho!" I chuckle with a grin,
"Opinions are for naught,
For everybody has them, true,
Advice is often bought!"
With several grumbles of complaint,
The young ones hand me gold,
And in exchange I offer hints,
And here's what they are told...
I heard that there were useful staves
In Riverton, and so
I called a mighty dragon, told
Him where I wished to go.
My destination drawing near,
The dragon coasted down...
And then some "random" lightning
Blasted me into the ground.
In anger I got up and checked
My backpack, just to see
If someone'd stuck a lightning rod
Inside to torture me.
As I did this my dragon snarled,
I looked at him and screamed!
The lightning had struck him as well,
And he blamed me it seemed!
I yelled for help, and fled the beast,
"Someone summon me please!"
With no reply, the dragon tossed
My corpse into the trees.
So I arrived in Riverton,
And bought a staff of oak.
When holding it above my head,
My enemies did croak!
I ran around the town with glee,
Whilst spreading fear and strife.
But from a pilgrim I did flee
Too late, and lost my life.
This time I tried another trick
And bought a staff of sleep.
I used it on a peasant man
Who soon was counting sheep.
And while the peasant softly snored
Upon the dry haystack,
I crept up silently behind,
And stabbed him in the back.
How's that, you ask? I'm not a thief!
This secret now I'll blab:
For when your foe is fast asleep,
A warrior can backstab!
I saw a hidden gentleman
And tried my trick again...
He broke my staff and all the bones
In my poor skeleton.
I'll tell another secret now,
So's not to seem a jerk.
For if your foe is strong enough,
The sleep staff will not work.
"Sir, sir," a cry within the crowd,
"You know that is a lie,
For when I went to stab a guard,
I couldn't even try!"
"I see," I said, and called him forth,
"Please let me see your face."
And laughed, "Of course it didn't work!
You can't STAB with a mace!"