December 28th, 2002
The Joys of Undeath - By Aivanther
The other day I was partaking in one of my favorite pastimes, relaxing
at a nearby altar as a recently formed corpse, when it came to my
attention that one of Medieviaís greatest moments was largely overlooked by
many of the citizens of our fair world. As I sat there, sucking the
blood out of somebodyís arteries, I was subsequently bonked, scolded, and
finally acked at numerous times I realized many of Medieviaís fine
citizens did not appreciate the true joys of undeath.
Now, I am writing this as an expert. As a single level thief after 22
years and 6 months, I have died on numerous occasions, under a wide
variety of circumstances. It is a joke within my clan that certain
individuals who are higher up have a weather trigger set to spawn tornadoes
on top of myself. I do not mean to bore you with details, just
establishing myself as one of those self-declared experts that you always hear
Where was I? Ah yes, the undeath. Many on Medievia feel the undeath is
a time wasted, a time where you simply sit at altars wait to be
resurrected by a priest. Not so, I say, the undeath is a time to be enjoyed.
If youíre going to live life to the fullest, why not die death to the
fullest (say that three times fast)? Many people miss out on the
exquisite pleasure of fine dining, of trekking to places that even make the
strongest of heroes soil themselves, of fun games and witty conversations. How
can you experience these and other pleasures of undeath? Well
let me tell you!
The first of all, remember one thing, you have nothing to be afraid of.
Well, almost. Aside from those things banned by our benevolent
overseers, you have almost free reign to explore and pester what you want.
After all, youíre already dead, what else can they do to you? Among my
favorite is to explore the area I was just killed in. Itís amazing how
much easier it is the second time when you realize how to pick those
mobs off one by one, or simply walk around them. Or, several of you
might have experienced this phenomenon I am prone to which I call the fatal
npk. For those of you who do not know what a fatal npk is, this is
when you get npked and then picked off by a wilderness mob because you
messed up your meditations or misplaced your green potions and have a
whopping 35 hit points when the shield room spell falls. Well, now that
somebody not only managed to pk you, but get you killed as well, you have
the perfect chance for a revenge of sorts. My advice is to find that
so obnoxious fellow and give him a good lick, or maybe a snog and quaff
a vial. Now, at the least youíll have convinced him youíre a psychotic
case, which in itself is not a bad thing, many people regard me as a
few bundles short of a full freight. And, the best case scenario is that
youíve made him feel strangely nervous and he leaves the zone.
Now, in addition to being practically invulnerable, many of you have
undoubtedly noticed the unusual statistics you have. Many of my clannies
can undoubtedly tell you about my Ďmoods.í I get rather silly at
times, and have a habit of doing bizarre things on Medievia. One of my
favorite undead activities when I have one of those far out hp modes, you
know where you have 2500 hp, is to go around bragging about it. I have,
on occasions, impressed some newbie about how my hit points were better
than most heroes. "What, you donít believe me? Why donít you go ask
one how many hit points they have." This usually lasts until they ask
an avatar about what being an undead corpse is, but occasionally it is
fun to be adored for a whole thirty seconds. Alternatively, you can
strut around the heroes, bragging about how even with all their elite
equipment their hit points are no where near yours. Another thing to do
with your stats is tell everyone how you just leveled up and you now have
nearly a billion experience points. When the newbie gasps at how
much that is, shrug and say youíll get it in a week or two, no big deal.
Now, to be fair, I have never left a newbie in the dark for more than a
few minutes. If he did not figure it out himself, I always explained
it. Iím not mean, just silly.
Another greatly overlooked aspect of the undeath is the community. As
an undead, youíre a member of a rather select few who were unlucky in a
mob run in or did not check the weather. Treasure that community, bask
in it, have fun with it, after all, if youíre not having fun, what is
the point of Medievia? One of my favorite activities is what I call the
undead 'Long Run.' Undoubtedly you have all noticed that as an undead
corpse you have a tendency to fall down a lot. Well, I have devised a
contest of sorts which exploits what many on Medievia find to be the
most annoying habit of the undead. First, you have to find another
willing participant, or many others - but the important thing is that you
must all be deceased. Then you all head out to the wilderness, pick a
direction, and start running. When you fall, stay down and shout how far
you got. Whoever goes the farthest without falling is the winner.
Now, this does depend on the honesty of all your fellow contestants, but
are not all of Medieviaís citizens impeccable in their honesty? And if
you want to get really wild you can start the Medievia cross country
marathon! Find a good starting point and finish line, say Medievia
recall to the entrance to the Crystal Lake, or if you want a really long
and challenging race, from Medievia to the altar in Trellor. Then have
someone give a count down, and run your decaying, gangrenous fanny off!
First to the finish line gets everyone elseís fingers! And, by the
time youíre done, youíll undoubtedly be ready to resurrect, so an altar is
a good finishing line.
Now, many of you are thinking that Iím totally nuts. Well, I am not
going to deny that, but thatís beside the point. If you insist on
sitting at the altar for 10 glorious undead minutes, at least you can enjoy
some of the more subdued adventures in undeath. How many have truly
enjoyed the experience of undeath dining? There are such delicacies that
are only available to those in the undeath that I would almost
recommend dying just to experience them. Feasting on the blood and flesh of
another undead Medievian, or even your own, is not a treat to be missed!
And that thing that used to be your finger is one of the greatest
delicacies ever to be tasted, and itís yours for the eating. What makes
this experience even more delightful is that you can taste samples of
numerous types as more and more people journey to the altar. At one altar
I recall dining on no less than ten types of flesh (a lot of us over
ambitions types tried to run freight into a meteor storm). Additionally,
if youíre feeling a bit mischievous and have yet to explore the whole
realm of socials, now is a good time to experiment. It makes for quite
the diversion when you fling someone unexpectedly, or insist everyone
to join you in the joyous rhythms of the river dance. Who knows, you
might even be able to organize a Medievian line dance club!
Hopefully by now you have all gotten the point I have been trying to
make. Undeath is not something to be squandered by simply going AFK at
an altar, itís a whole new exciting experience in itself. Have fun with
death, die it up! Try some new things, be adventurous! You have
nothing to lose and everything to gain. Donít waste your precious ten
minutes of undeath making yourself a sandwich - go impale that annoying mob
that killed you! And never limit yourself by thinking you have done it
all, thereís always something else to do on Medievia as a corpse of an
adventurer, you just have to go out and find it.
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