Medievia Mudslinger

December 28th, 2002

The Joys of Undeath - By Aivanther

The other day I was partaking in one of my favorite pastimes, relaxing at a nearby altar as a recently formed corpse, when it came to my attention that one of Medieviaís greatest moments was largely overlooked by many of the citizens of our fair world. As I sat there, sucking the blood out of somebodyís arteries, I was subsequently bonked, scolded, and finally acked at numerous times I realized many of Medieviaís fine citizens did not appreciate the true joys of undeath.

Now, I am writing this as an expert. As a single level thief after 22 years and 6 months, I have died on numerous occasions, under a wide variety of circumstances. It is a joke within my clan that certain individuals who are higher up have a weather trigger set to spawn tornadoes on top of myself. I do not mean to bore you with details, just establishing myself as one of those self-declared experts that you always hear about.

Where was I? Ah yes, the undeath. Many on Medievia feel the undeath is a time wasted, a time where you simply sit at altars wait to be resurrected by a priest. Not so, I say, the undeath is a time to be enjoyed. If youíre going to live life to the fullest, why not die death to the fullest (say that three times fast)? Many people miss out on the exquisite pleasure of fine dining, of trekking to places that even make the strongest of heroes soil themselves, of fun games and witty conversations. How can you experience these and other pleasures of undeath? Well let me tell you!

The first of all, remember one thing, you have nothing to be afraid of. Well, almost. Aside from those things banned by our benevolent overseers, you have almost free reign to explore and pester what you want. After all, youíre already dead, what else can they do to you? Among my favorite is to explore the area I was just killed in. Itís amazing how much easier it is the second time when you realize how to pick those mobs off one by one, or simply walk around them. Or, several of you might have experienced this phenomenon I am prone to which I call the fatal npk. For those of you who do not know what a fatal npk is, this is when you get npked and then picked off by a wilderness mob because you messed up your meditations or misplaced your green potions and have a whopping 35 hit points when the shield room spell falls. Well, now that somebody not only managed to pk you, but get you killed as well, you have the perfect chance for a revenge of sorts. My advice is to find that so obnoxious fellow and give him a good lick, or maybe a snog and quaff a vial. Now, at the least youíll have convinced him youíre a psychotic case, which in itself is not a bad thing, many people regard me as a few bundles short of a full freight. And, the best case scenario is that youíve made him feel strangely nervous and he leaves the zone.

Now, in addition to being practically invulnerable, many of you have undoubtedly noticed the unusual statistics you have. Many of my clannies can undoubtedly tell you about my Ďmoods.í I get rather silly at times, and have a habit of doing bizarre things on Medievia. One of my favorite undead activities when I have one of those far out hp modes, you know where you have 2500 hp, is to go around bragging about it. I have, on occasions, impressed some newbie about how my hit points were better than most heroes. "What, you donít believe me? Why donít you go ask one how many hit points they have." This usually lasts until they ask an avatar about what being an undead corpse is, but occasionally it is fun to be adored for a whole thirty seconds. Alternatively, you can strut around the heroes, bragging about how even with all their elite equipment their hit points are no where near yours. Another thing to do with your stats is tell everyone how you just leveled up and you now have nearly a billion experience points. When the newbie gasps at how much that is, shrug and say youíll get it in a week or two, no big deal. Now, to be fair, I have never left a newbie in the dark for more than a few minutes. If he did not figure it out himself, I always explained it. Iím not mean, just silly.

Another greatly overlooked aspect of the undeath is the community. As an undead, youíre a member of a rather select few who were unlucky in a mob run in or did not check the weather. Treasure that community, bask in it, have fun with it, after all, if youíre not having fun, what is the point of Medievia? One of my favorite activities is what I call the undead 'Long Run.' Undoubtedly you have all noticed that as an undead corpse you have a tendency to fall down a lot. Well, I have devised a contest of sorts which exploits what many on Medievia find to be the most annoying habit of the undead. First, you have to find another willing participant, or many others - but the important thing is that you must all be deceased. Then you all head out to the wilderness, pick a direction, and start running. When you fall, stay down and shout how far you got. Whoever goes the farthest without falling is the winner. Now, this does depend on the honesty of all your fellow contestants, but are not all of Medieviaís citizens impeccable in their honesty? And if you want to get really wild you can start the Medievia cross country marathon! Find a good starting point and finish line, say Medievia recall to the entrance to the Crystal Lake, or if you want a really long and challenging race, from Medievia to the altar in Trellor. Then have someone give a count down, and run your decaying, gangrenous fanny off! First to the finish line gets everyone elseís fingers! And, by the time youíre done, youíll undoubtedly be ready to resurrect, so an altar is a good finishing line.

Now, many of you are thinking that Iím totally nuts. Well, I am not going to deny that, but thatís beside the point. If you insist on sitting at the altar for 10 glorious undead minutes, at least you can enjoy some of the more subdued adventures in undeath. How many have truly enjoyed the experience of undeath dining? There are such delicacies that are only available to those in the undeath that I would almost recommend dying just to experience them. Feasting on the blood and flesh of another undead Medievian, or even your own, is not a treat to be missed! And that thing that used to be your finger is one of the greatest delicacies ever to be tasted, and itís yours for the eating. What makes this experience even more delightful is that you can taste samples of numerous types as more and more people journey to the altar. At one altar I recall dining on no less than ten types of flesh (a lot of us over ambitions types tried to run freight into a meteor storm). Additionally, if youíre feeling a bit mischievous and have yet to explore the whole realm of socials, now is a good time to experiment. It makes for quite the diversion when you fling someone unexpectedly, or insist everyone to join you in the joyous rhythms of the river dance. Who knows, you might even be able to organize a Medievian line dance club!

Hopefully by now you have all gotten the point I have been trying to make. Undeath is not something to be squandered by simply going AFK at an altar, itís a whole new exciting experience in itself. Have fun with death, die it up! Try some new things, be adventurous! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Donít waste your precious ten minutes of undeath making yourself a sandwich - go impale that annoying mob that killed you! And never limit yourself by thinking you have done it all, thereís always something else to do on Medievia as a corpse of an adventurer, you just have to go out and find it.


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