Medievia Mudslinger

November 4th, 2001

Medievia Player's Troubleshooting Guide - By Karina

If you recognize yourself in any of the situations below, then you're in real trouble. On the other hand, if you do, the chances are that you don't care anyway.

Symptom 1 : Playing Medievia fails to give satisfaction and nothing you type is coming out right.

Cause : Eyes not open when playing or fingers on wrong "home row" of keyboard.

Solution : Look down when playing to make sure fingers are on the right "home row". If you can't see your fingers then your problem is the former. Open eyes.



Symptom 2 : Mudding fails to give satisfaction and screen is unusually white and clear.

Cause : You're in a word processor program.

Solution : Open your mudding client and connect to Medievia.



Symptom 3 : Text very hard to see and nothing being typed comes up on the screen.

Cause : The monitor and/or computer is off.

Solution : Turn on monitor and/or computer.



Symptom 4 : Feet warm and wet.

Cause : Loss of self-control.

Solution : Learn the miracle of the "afk" command when you feel pressure in your bladder.



Symptom 5 : Lap cool and wet.

Cause : Drooling on yourself.

Solution : Get out of the "private rooms" in link and go DO something.



Symptom 6 : Screen blurred.

Cause : Hours of non-stop playing.

Solution : Try caffeine or see if you can get a prescription for glasses.



Symptom 7 : Computer keeps moving further and further away.

Cause : You are being carried out.

Solution : Find out if you are being taken to another computer. If not, complain loudly that you are being kidnapped.



Symptom 8 : You have animated people on your screen rather than text and nothing you type is coming through.

Cause : You're watching television.

Solution : Go turn on your computer.



Symptom 9 : The screen is covered with ceiling tiles and has a fluorescent strip across it.

Cause : You have fallen over backwards.

Solution : If you can still see your computer screen, and your keyboard is still plugged in, stay put. If not, get someone to lift you up and lash you to the desk.



Symptom 10 : Everything has gone dim and you have letters imprinted across your forehead.

Cause : You have fallen over forwards.

Solution : Same as for falling over backwards except have them lash you to the chair.



Symptom 11 : You can't stop giggling and typing things that don't make sense to anyone except you.

Cause : You are playing under the influence.

Solution : What's the problem?



Symptom 12 : You haven't leveled in over three years and you're not even a hero.

Cause : You haven't left medlink.

Solution : Type "link" and go DO something



Symptom 13 : Your wife left you.

Cause : You are an addict and neglected her for the computer.

Solution : Too late for that one now! More time to spend with your ingame girlfriend!



Symptom 14 : Your dog died.

Cause : Typing "give food dog" gives it no actual real life nutrition.

Solution : Get a VirtualPet



Symptom 15 : You know far more people on the internet than you do in real life.

Cause : You never leave your house.

Solution : Dig through your email lists and see how many people you know live within driving distance to make up the difference.



Symptom 16 : Your relatives complain of never seeing you during the holidays.

Cause : You never leave your house.

Solution : WebCam!



Symptom 17 : Your 'net life has more drama than the daily soaps.

Cause : You have no outside influences in your life.

Solution : Quit watching soaps - no more comparison!

Alternate Solution : Sell plots to t.v. studios and try to make some money!



Symptom 18 : Parents threaten to kick you out unless you find a job.

Cause : You are 30, unemployed, and living at home spending all your time playing.

Solution : Spend more time on lotto sites during your afk breaks.



Symptom 19 : You actually had a job, but just got fired.

Cause : You called in sick daily to spend more time playing.

Solution : Again, try to spend more time on lotto sites during your afk breaks.



Symptom 20 : Everything has gone dim.

Cause : The power is out.

Solution : PANIC!!

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