You know, I'd never thought to reach that day. Heck, most of Medievia never
thought I'd meet that day. I lay back, relaxing against a tree in Rose Park,
basking in my newfound excellence. After years of struggle and countless,
often very painful, deaths, I had finally achieved the pinnacle of abilities
available to a thief. Well, I liked to call myself a purloiner of niceties
and disposer of the undesirable, but somehow that never caught on among my
fellow thieves, though I felt that my compatriots did not exactly appreciate
me. On the nights of guild meetings, I would always raise the issue, and
eventually I was no longer allowed to attend without the mark of 'The Most
High and Dishonorable Thief!" as they called it. How a gag constituted a
mark of honor, I could never tell, but they insisted. This was usually at
the point of a dagger, so I did not argue.
Wait, where was I? Oh yes, the pinnacle of all things involving thievery.
You know, a good audience would help keep me on track... Anyway, as I
lounged there, I recalled the last few hours. I had sensed the coming power
for the last few days, and I could almost physically taste it, though often
that taste turned out to be a bit of waybread stuck in my teeth. But I
continued to struggle.
"Experience!" The Guildmaster would tell us, "Experience is the way to
power! Go out and live your life. And don't worry to much about death, for
the necromancer and the gods are kind enough fellows."
I often argued his remarks about the necromancer, whom I often found to be
quite sarcastic - and the gods, though nice, seemed to take a peculiar
pleasure in making my life difficult.
Well, I was taking these words to heart, all of them. I was out getting my
experience, though it was similar to having ones teeth pulled by the
Minotaur Mason of Naera Mae.
Near the end of my struggles, I was ducking and dodging the pointier ends of
a hook horror, while trying not to become a simple pasty substance on the
ground by a not-so-friendly earth spirit. Well, with the speed and ability
that comes with experience, and the outright fear of pain and death, I
ducked a blow and spun around, jabbing at the hook horror. My blades sunk in
up to their hilts. As the thing gurgled and slumped to the ground, I knew I
was good. Boy, was I good. Nobody could ever get better!
Letting out an excited whoop, I danced around in a circle. "Oh wait... wasn'
t there another?" I mumbled to myself, turning around.
'Splat' was the approximate noise that my head, shoulders, and most of my
upper torso made as the earth spirit's considerable fists slammed down on my
cranium.
'Well crud, what bad timing,' I thought in my very dead state. Still, I had
made it! Yes, woo! Who's the man! My thoughts were interrupted by the
appearance of my old friend, the necromancer.
He went about his usual ritual before pausing. "Well, heard you made it," he
said to my body. "Never thought I'd see the day. I wonder if Fire Giant's
Keep has frozen over?"
Ha ha, very funny. I tried to reply, but somehow my lips didn't form the
words. This could have been because they were lodged quite firmly in the
lower regions of my ribcage. Anyway, I went through the whole ritual very
silently. I noticed that the necromancer kept shaking his head as he went
about his business.
Right before he left he said, "Maybe now you'll slow down a bit. You know, I
'm overstocked on Aivanther souls. They're really not all that useful, but I
get way too many of them. By Vryce, they're not even very decorative, just a
pasty gray without much spark to them at all. Ah well, a deal is a deal, and
I have to head out to Thanos. It seems the Dark Strider has been giving me
more business again. A friendly word of advice, Aiv: don't die so much,
because it really makes these things take longer. And Vryce only knows, it
takes you long to do these things without turning yourself into interesting
bits of processed meat." With that, he was gone.
I skipped my way down to the altar. Well, this was with as much of a skip as
an undead corpse with a shackle and ball on its leg - which is pretty much a
lifting of legs then planting your face down into the mud - can manage. As I
shuffled along, I muttered to myself about nosey necromancers who were
totally ungrateful for what they had. Besides, why was he complaining? He
had good enough business, and one day he'd be proud to have those souls.
They would be a rare collector's item! Yeah, I would show him. He would
covet one of my souls one day!
But that was in the past. Now, today, I was near the epitome of thiefliness.
I say near, because most of my stuff was so old that the janitors would
occasionally offer me equipment they found lying in the street.
"Aiv, get your rear end to Castle Square!" I felt my clanleader say in a
corner of my mind.
For the last couple of days, he had been on my back about something he
called 'Multi-ing'. Apparently Vryce gives everyone who has reached the
highest point in their career a fresh start at something new. Well, that was
just great. There I was, finally good at something, and my clanleader was in
league with Vryce, high god of Medievia himself, trying to get me to be a
nothing again.
I was considering running away when I heard him say, "Now, Aiv! I have the
eggs, and I'm going to transfer them to you now. It's time you got off that
lazy butt of yours and became a cleric. That is what you want, right? Good,
now get over here!"
Grumbling, I got out a swirling blue potion and teleported into Castle
Square. After a few quick instructions, and a couple of notes of amazement
from clan-members who had only just heard that I had finally reached my
goal, I was sent out to Mount Vryce.
What the big deal about multi-ing is, I'll never know. You simply give the
wizard a thousand eggs, head to the mountain, and press a button. Well,
okay, the thousand eggs is a big deal, but if you're like me, even that's
not too bad. I manage to look and sound pathetic enough that my clanleader
will eventually do things for me just to make me go away. He really does
like me, and he even gave me a personal title, though not over the clan
title system. His PIMN he calls me, though what a PIMN is, I'm not entirely
sure.
Well, the long and short of it is that I became a cleric. At first, I could
not tell a difference. I was still me. I still looked the same and still had
most of my abilities. I did notice that I didn't feel as tough, but I
figured that was probably from the queasiness. Don't get me wrong - I liked
the way my clan congratulated me and gave their support, but did they have
to be so loud? All the noise they made when they found out gave me a
headache, which in turn made me highly nauseated. Anyway, I quaffed another
swirling blue potion and met my clanleader in Castle Square.
I don't think I ever went on such a killing spree, which is saying a lot
because I was the veritable bane of Medievians when I needed those torn and
brittle scrolls they picked up from Vryce only knows where. In short, I was
summoned from place to place by my clanleader and told to backstab innocent
clergymen.
Well, truth be told, I'd plunged my dagger into the back of many-a-clergyman
in my career, but now it seemed kind of, well, wrong. After all, were they
not now my brethren? Oh well, I thought, sucks to be them. So I obliged.
After a rather bloody day, my clanleader directed me to my new guild-house
and told me I was ready to go out on my own.
Well, "Ready as you'll ever be," were his precise words, but I think he
meant well.
Anyway, I headed out to my new guild and wouldn't you know it, but the high
poobah, or whatever he is, seemed to recognize me. As soon as I entered, he
stood up, looked me over, and let out a deep sigh.
"The thief master told me about you."
Swell! I even got good references! I mean, how lucky can a guy get?
Anyway, we set down to business and he trained me in some spells. How great
is it being a cleric? Well, I'll tell you, after lugging around more green
and swirling blue potions than I can count, being a cleric is like a
blessing from Vryce! Thanking the priest, guy, person - whatever - I headed
out to try out my newfound powers!
As I left he said, "Remember, you're not a thief anymore."
Of course I wasn't. Now I was more than that!
Well now, I thought to myself, what to do now? I had to try out some of my
abilities. My first targets were a couple of zombies in the graveyard, but I
suspected that I had to be careful.
You see, I had terminated some paladin guards in the cleric's quarter, and
they'd promised retribution on me. I wasn't entirely sure these were the
zombies of the paladins, but I figured it was better to be safe than sorry.
After all, paladins are a remarkably stubborn lot, holding onto odd ideas
like 'honor' and 'justice.' On top of that, they're notoriously shortsighted
about things like larceny, debauchery, acquiring gold, finding torn and
brittle scrolls that might lead to some lucrative rewards - you know, the
important things in life. So, I had made some rather bitter enemies among
the paladins, which seeing as I was now a cleric, was a rather amusing
circumstance.
Whoa! Hey now, how come you guys let me get off track again? Please, stop
doing that, we really need to wrap this up! Anyway, I headed to the
graveyard and began to play with some of my new spells. Well, the first
thing I saw was a group of zombies. I was sneaking, so I got to listen in.
The first was slurring in the speech of someone whose tongue was slightly
decomposed, "Ya, hes gots me too, dat durn krist put a hole in me back as
big as yer 'ead. Not likes I 'ad any chance after he ripped me a goo' one
like dat!"
The second shook its head and said, "Aw, that ain't nuthin! He got me in de
back to and then twisted it a' it wa' commin' out! De low down sneak! Iffen
'e would fit us fair'n'square, we'd beat 'em bad!"
I chuckled to myself. It seemed that I'd found former prey of mine. Taking a
deep breath, I chanted out the prayer for tremor.
As they were tossed to the ground, the second zombie looked at me with its
good eye and said, "It's 'im! Oh wait, no, dis is the pathetic one dat took
my gold after dat other one moved off."
Well, how rude! I am not pathetic! I never looted stuff until the killer was
a ways off. And besides, I really needed the gold. It's not as if he was
using it. Besides, I'd paid my dues. A certain deity type person, who shall
remain unnamed, had certain words with me about that. And besides, now I was
their servant, and it's best not to annoy one's masters. Grumbling at the
poor manners of the undead, I continued to cast my spell until both of them
were crushed.
After a while, I grew bored with the graveyard. I mean, I was impressed with
my power, and I practically flew through crushing everything in sight, but
it soon became rather dull. I decided to go after something a bit more
exciting. I cast a new spell of mine, Word of Recall, and headed to the
Medievian portal. After a series of very dull spinning portals, and a quick
dragon ride, I was at the base of Spirited Heights. At the top lay Horneg's
Tower, one of my favorite places to explore.
'Well, Horneg should watch out now!' I thought to myself, because now I was
not only silent, but I was also magical! I'd teach him to blast me into itty
bitty pieces!
With the stealth born out of years (and I do mean years) as a thief, I
slipped through the nooks and crannies of Spirited Heights and entered
Horneg's Tower. Rather than go straight to the top, I decided to have some
fun with the locals. Meandering down a dark hallway, I spied a large
gargoyle.
'All right, some fun!' I thought as I sized it up. Large didn't even begin
to describe it. It was monstrous, but I'd beaten it before.
As I was considering the monster, I felt my clanleader say, "Hey, Aiv, get
away from there! You're not ready yet for that zone!"
That showed what he knew. I'd played around in this place all the time as a
thief.
Anyway, back to the gargoyle. I brought my weapon up and was about to
backstab it, when something dawned on me. This stick I was holding probably
wouldn't make much of a weapon for backstabbing. Crud, stupid me. Well, I
still had my prayers.
I began to consider which one to cast. It really was a difficult decision,
especially when I was so used to one direction of attack. However, the
gargoyle made it easy for me. Turning around, it spied me and attacked. To
my credit, I managed to dodge a few blows, but after a couple of seconds, he
landed a nice backhand across my head. It was, um, very painful. I spun head
over heels and crashed into a wall.
I tried to stand back up and fight some more, but the world seemed to be
spinning.
"Mommy, please tell the world to stop spinning, I want to get off!" I
wailed, wondering why it was moving so fast. A big shadow appeared over me.
It looked sort of odd, like a stone monster of some sort. It kind of grinned
at me and brought its foot down hard on my face.
All the pain and nausea disappeared, mainly because I was a very dead
cleric, not to mention feeling a bit sheepish. I had a bit more to learn
before I came back here, I guessed.
So I lay there in at least two pieces on the floor of a Dark Hallway, one
eye looking at the ceiling and the other giving me a very good view of the
back of my throat. Ah yes, there was the necromancer.
'Why was he laughing?' I wondered to myself.
He said to me, "Ah yes *chuckle* It seems that you're back and at it, eh?
Shouldn't surprise me, I guess. *snicker* Nothing else does when it concerns
you. Though, I admit, I'd think even you'd be smart enough to wait a bit
before coming back here."
Well, how great. I had the smart-mouthed necromancer giving me advice! Ah
well, I'd be back after I resurrected. After all, the only reason I lost was
because the gargoyle got the drop on me.
Oh wait, here's my clanleader with his gem of souls... Hey wait, now he was
laughing too...
'Well, aren't we all just a bundle of giggles today?' I thought to myself,
quickly losing patience with people who are much to easily amused.
"Aiv, I'm going to resurrect you, but if you don't leave this zone
immediately, I'm going to suggest to some goons that they may find some
interest here. Get my drift?" my clanleader asked.
I got his drift, and I tried to nod, but since there seemed to be very
little attaching my head to my shoulders it did not seem to work. He
resurrected me and transported me to a nearby clan town.
"Okay, Aiv, you go back to the graveyard and be a good little cleric,
alright?"
I sighed and headed back to the City of Medievia. I guess there's a lot more
to learn about being a cleric before I can get back to the same level of
proficiency I had as a thief.
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