August 15, 2000
A swordsman's life is hard at times,
Some think that it's the worst.
But though I like the use of spells,
I chose to bash things first.
So gather 'round, you newbie knights,
And hear a tale or two...
From my example you may learn
Just what (or not) to do!
*****
I traveled to the Labyrinth
(I was alone, of course.)
A dragon would use too much gold
Instead I took a horse.
Southeast of Med it was, I knew,
But not exactly where.
I galloped on until my steed
Collapsed from lack of air.
I left my wearied mount behind,
Continuing on my way
When suddenly a large black cloud
O'ercame the light of day.
I groaned and tried to run but knew
The cloud was faster still,
The "random" lightning struck me at
The top of yonder hill.
With smoke arising from my clothes,
My wound emitting steam,
I found a clearing in the woods
Cleft by a clear, cool stream.
With water I washed off the char
And healed my wounds most deep,
When suddenly I noticed near,
A large foreboding Keep.
I rose and ran towards my goal
Through the surrounding glade.
But just before the entrance there,
I died when NPKed.
More careful now I crept into
The Labyrinth's dark halls...
The minotaur appeared and threw
My blood upon the walls.
My ghost flew 'round until I found
An Altar deep within.
When I gained life a shrew attached
Itself to my bare shin.
I pierced the stupid creature's hide
And wiped away the gore
Just as an ugly goblin left
My corpse upon the floor.
I found a map that led me to
The entrance of the shops!
Of course, just then, the minotaur
Returned to bust my chops.
Without the map, by chance alone
I found the shops again.
And for the potions there I spent
Four thousand gold and ten.
Whilst leaving there, the minotaur
Again assaulted me
But instantly I quaffed a clear
And teleported free!
But free is a subjective term,
And though caught unawares,
The Goblin King used his great boot
To kick me down the stairs.
Although in pain I sighed relief
And fled the King's throne room
Yet in the hall four goblin guards
Conspired to cause my doom.
In desperation's depths I quaffed
A potion, neon blue.
And blinded, cursed, and harmed, my head
Was swiftly split in two.
****
"What then?" They asked, those newbie fools,
"How'd you escape those halls?"
"How else," said I, in swift reply,
"For ghosts can walk through walls."