December 28th, 2002
He loves me, he loves me not - By Elliena
So,you are tired of traveling for days without any company? Or perhaps
you have come to the realization of how convenient it is to have some
help when you collect those Catacomb eggs for your next Easter
celebration? It could be that you simply can't afford to buy a house by yourself
- after all, real estate prices are so high these days... Or perhaps by
some strange twist of fate you have fallen in love with your
mighty-but-not-so-bright-when-it-comes-to-romance clan leader who sees in you
just another brave warrior working towards clan prosperity. While not
always expected, those things happen to almost every one of us. Here are
several suggestions on how to secure his attention and keep him
beside you for better or worse, long trading trips or visits to some of the
famous Medievian resort places where one can stock up on some excellent
Be adventurous! Let's face it, most of us would rather go chasing a
dragon in the hopes of acquiring yet another beautiful piece of attire for
our already full closets, or perhaps ride for hours on another endless
business trip hoping to finally save enough to buy that beautiful fire
diamond ring you saw on sale in the Library the other day. Exciting
things to do indeed, but keep in mind the infamous love affair of men and
chaotic player killing places. Boring as it may seem to you, and rather
cruel, it is a great way to socialize with men: waiting for the next
brave hero to fall into your grasp might give you valuable time to
exchange secrets of the heart while hiding and snuggling next to your
beloved. If even that cannot convince you to experience the thrills of CPK,
look at it as a practical way to combine business with pleasure: think
about it as another way to get your hands on that beautiful ring or
tiara! As one of my beloved clannies used to say, you never know the fashion
tastes of your next CPK victim.
Give him space! So he wants to go kill others without you! If he seems
reluctant to take you with him when he goes out with the sole idea of
increasing his trophy collection of mummified heads, don't let yourself
fall prey to suspicions that this will turn out to be a secret
rendezvous in one of the Somewhere suites readily available in the Medievian
resort hotel. Unless you happen to be a loving cleric wife, chances are
that he will see you as another impediment, pretty much like the
slowdown and dizziness experienced when he smells the blood after a successful
backstab. Instead, consider giving him as a holiday present a home-made
Be original! While picking flowers in the beautiful gardens of Braneri
(a favorite place of mine for solitary walks in rainy days, I must
admit) might look very appealing to you, consider sharing some charitable
work instead and help protect the Mellorian Citadel from pirate
invaders. Perhaps your man feels at his best when he smells blood in the air?
This holiday, instead of taking him to a cozy empty apartment with a
couch being the only piece of furniture, or renting one of the above
mentioned suites, surprise him with a well-planned getaway vacation to Asnor
or Thunderhoume. Nothing says 'I love you' better than a quickly shared
kiss in the midst of a bloody battle with a smelly troll or dwarf.
Be the conversation queen! If, for one reason or another, you decide to
initiate a conversation, avoid trivial gossiping but show how much
up-to-date you are with the list of recently deceased heroes in CPK or the
variety of helmets, plates, and other armor items that have changed
hands lately. As interested as you were to hear about the recent
development of the affair between Lady Goland and Count Van Kylin, keep in mind
this simple rule of thumb: lack of blood equals lack of interest.
Do not expect too much! While your Christmas list might include such
things as the coconut bra you once saw on a fellow girlfriend at that
party in Gnomenel last summer, or perhaps a teddy bear that one can only
find in the secret passages under Medievia, keep in mind that your man
might have another idea of the-most-romantic-ever Christmas gift. While
we strive to combine the beautiful with the practical, in the man's
mind the two are quite reversed. So don't be surprised if you end up
unwrapping a bulky helmet or shield that he swears was made custom for you
instead of that beautiful red dress you've been dreaming of ever since
you visited Aeketh.
Be supportive! Even when the last thing you are interested in is the
count of victims your beloved collected heads from this afternoon,
pretend that you are truly mesmerized by asking him questions that encourage
him to share that experience with you. If he happens to be one of those
rare champions who would rather help cleaning the Catacombs of its scum
instead of trying to acquire more trophies for their clanhall walls,
make sure you take interest into his daily egg collection.
Give him an original compliment! It only follows from the above then,
that if you wish to secure that special place in your hero's heart, the
best way to do so is by complimenting his manly attitude and appearance.
As appealing as it seems to comment on the intricate work he had done
on his clanitemed Tyche, be sure to praise its value among other
things, and the rareness of the object. A comment on how good he dealt with
that ogre that attacked you while you two were taking a romantic walk in
the gardens around Medievia two days ago is also a good way to
compliment his skills. And of course, it is always a good idea to cheer hard
when he shares his stories about defeating other mighty heroes, even if
deep inside you feel skeptical about it.
Be resourceful! So you've won the man of your dreams and even managed
to educate him on the merits of being lawfully mudmarried. You have had
your glamorous wedding and after many hours of contemplation you have
come up with the perfect echo. Sure, you don't mind spending several
days in a rented Somewhere suite, but you miss talking to your girlfriends
every now and then. If gossip is what you like and honeymooning in
Medlink just doesn't do it for you anymore, there is still hope to regain
that blissful pre-marital state of gossip knowledge without hurting your
new mudmarriage. Disguise your craving for some female company as a
noble concern that he is not getting enough solo time with the boys.
Suggest that he joins the newest quest so he can prove to you he is still
the bravest of them all, and casually mention a girlfriend in distress
who needs your help with finding the right pair of boots for a dress
she is dying to wear the next time she goes out helping her man battle
some trolls. He will never know.
And last but not least - be prepared! Unfortunately, every now and then
we tend to forget there are other dashing ladies out there, just
waiting to put their hands on our hero. Let's say your man, once so fond of
being in every blood hunt group and having a multi-page to-kill-today
list every day, has recently acquired the habit of frequently idling in
obscure clantowns without giving any explanation to his behavior. Or on
the contrary, he spends too much time with his newly adopted daughter.
So much time, in fact, that you have started to suspect the bloodline
ties are only an attempt to throw dust in your eyes. Instead of using
his shirt as a handkerchief for your tears, turn your gaze towards
greener pastures as you embrace the fire diamond he gave you at your last
date. If you played your cards smart, your gains should outweigh by far
the losses in the balance sheet of your heart.
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