Medievia Mudslinger

November 19, 2000

A Spoof Interview with Zeksagmak - By Nykaul

The interview took place on November 13th, 2000 in the comfy lair of Zeksagmak, the location of which I am unable to disclose due to the fact he does not wish to have gate-crashers. He is the oldest living ruby dragon in Medievia's current history, and hopes to retain the record for a long time to come. He is a year old and attributes it to clean living, a stable diet and the ability to beat pesky heroes.

I spoke with Zeksagmak, via a translator, about Medievia and his life and this is what he had to say.

Nykaul: How long have you been in Medievia and what initially got you started?

Zeksagmak: It's been around a year now since I was first hatched. Initially Vryce needed a few good dragons to help him out with a module he was doing for Medievia. There was a high risk factor, what with all those heroes just dying for the hides and all, but Vryce offered a nice benefits package. All the heroes I could eat and a nice new lair every so often. I just couldn't say no. The rest, as they say, is history.

Nykaul: So tell us, what exactly does the average Medievia player taste like?

Zeksagmak: Chicken!

Nykaul: And do you try to maintain a varied diet?

Zeksagmak: Well, yes, I like to eat from the four basic food groups like any sensible being. Warrior, Mage, Cleric and Thief, although the Thieves can be a bit stringy at times. Half the time I save one over to floss with.

Nykaul: How do you feel about your brethen being killed off so easily by heroes?

Zeksagmak: Well, if they're not up to it then it's their own fault, really. They ought to eat more fibre, stiffen their sinews a bit in the gym, give up smoking and the like. I went onto smokeless fuel some time ago and I've never looked back.

Nykaul: Did you have any influences that you looked up to while you were growing up?

Zeksagmak: Hmm, not really. I honestly consider myself to be a unique being, no-one else can match me. I'll admit I learned a few things from Fothgolia, how to make an exit and all that, but I like to think I've done it in my own manner.

Nykaul: So how does the real Zeksagmak compare with the fictional one on Mudslinger?

Zeksagmak: I usually have to get one of the Undead Crusaders to read it for me, these talons aren't made for holding paper, you know. Usually I can't hear what they're reading out because they giggle when they see it. Make your own judgement from that.

Nykaul: Do you consider these heroes to be homewreckers or merely annoyances for your amusement?

Zeksagmak: Part of the job. I mean, I need the protein so that's good, and they provide a rather essential element when I need more Undead Crusaders. It's actually quite vital, when you get down to it.

Nykaul: When you attack a clantown is it for business or pleasure?

Zeksagmak: Definitely pleasure. It's good to get out into the open air once in a while, meet new people, see the sights. I try to grab a couple of souvenirs each time I'm out, something to jog the memory and to show the kids.

Nykaul: You have children?

Zeksagmak: Not yet, but there's a Green I'm rather fond of. I'd like to say no more on that matter, if you don't mind. I'd rather keep her name out of this.

Nykaul: Do you consider yourself invincible or merely unbeatable?

Zeksagmak: Both!

Nykaul: If you could ask anyone in Medievia a question, who would it be and what would you ask?

Zeksagmak: Probably Iskandar. How annoyed was he when I beat off all his friends that time? And does he want to try it again? I'm ready for him.

Nykaul: Name 5 things most people dont know about you!

  1. I like Riverton opera, although I have to pay for three aisles in the theatre there so I don't go too often.
  2. Some of my best friends are Banelars.
  3. I haven't seen a taxman around here for years. Not sure why but I'm not complaining.
  4. I'm actually a big softy at heart, what people say about me being big and fierce is really hurtful sometimes.
  5. I'd like to deny the rumors of plastic surgery. That's just a nasty tale put about by a Silver I had to throw out of this lair a while back.
Nykaul: So where did you get the name Zeksagmak from?

Zeksagmak: My parents, same as everyone else.

Nykaul: What are your plans now?

Zeksagmak: Lunch. Any chance you could bring a few mortals down here? No?

Nykaul: Sometimes a girl just has to decline. Anyway, your breath is quite firey, have you ever suffered from heartburn?

Zeksagmak: Oh, chronically at times. I usually find that if I loot some corpses I can find a healing staff or two, a quick nibble on one of those does the trick. Once I ran right out and I had hiccoughs as well, you can't imagine how bad that was. Some of the Lavalanches threatened to resign.

Nykaul: After a year of marauding and ravaging the ranks of the heroes, you must have some amusing tales to tell. Are there any that you can share?

Zeksagmak: RRrrrooOOAAaaRRR! Grunt, snuffle growl growl. Rroar rooooaaar, snort, snort grunt.

Nykaul: Um, that was my best translator.

Zeksagmak: Snurkle. Burp.

Nykaul: You're welcome.

I would like to thank Zeksagmak for his time and honesty in answering the questions everyone wanted answers to. Also, for the fact he didnt eat me, or burn me alive.

If you believe you are a 'special' person that should be interviewed then email me at with the reasons why. Also, if you have a question you have always wanted to ask someone, feel free to email that question and if I ever interview that person I may include your question.