Medievia Mudslinger

February 3rd, 2002

Song of the Hero-Avatar - By Floxa

(adapted from Gilbert & Sullivan's "Song of the Major General")

I am the very model of a helpful Hero-Avatar,
My name inspires fear in hearts of tiny baby baenlyrs
I'm popular in dragon quests, always among the first ones picked
On entry into Castle Square I'm woowooed, high-fived, poked and licked
The forms in Stornaway prefer my tender ministrations
The populace of Medlink seeks my witty conversations
My wise instructions to the public are a pure epiphany
I coach PK with Tharghan and give trading tips with Tiffany.
My egged eq is max-tweake'd, my stats are all superi-ar,
In short, I am the model of a helpful Hero-Avatar.

I'm gentle with the greenest newbie, guiding him through XP strolls,
I watch him backstab Scruff and patiently pull out my Gem of Souls
After twenty "summon plz!", admire my perspicacity:
I answer every newbie shout with promptness and veracity
I amble Merchant Avenue assisting with urbanity
I lend a hand maintaining Prae and Syltheana's sanity
I lead a form of level twenties safely through the Catacombs
Instructing their young leader how to egg and safely gate back home
Next month when he heroes and backstabs me, I will still respect
His talent, his initiative, and his deceitful intellect
Just because I PK him won't mean I cannot cherish him
I'll "barely-cling" him in one round and then cheerfully perish him
His mummified head-on-a-stake I'll treasure in my own clear jar
I am the very model of a helpful Hero-Avatar.

Trading is my specialty, I profit from it masterf'ly,
I value all the goods and take advantage of catastrophe
I care not for the carets (>>) of the weather: I shall stay the course!
A pack mule follows me, mounted upon my trusty morgan horse
The roads from NaeraMae to Ur-Vile pass swiftly beneath my wake
I know the Wilderness by heart and never ask which fork to take
The path I leave behind me -- many gloomy faction funerals
My earnings, when I sell, encompass at least fourteen numerals
For my town's zone expansion and its own fortification
I always clandeposit portions of my compensation
Although my giving to my clan is marked by liberality
When buying things on auction I'm the picture of frugality
I never gouge for dragon crystals and quite proudly do I boast:
I've never paid three million for a solitary rabbit roast!

I have extensive knowledge! I am plucky and adventury!
I'll lead Med players right into the twenty second century!
Declare it from Mt. Vryce! Proclaim the details near and far!
I am the very model of a helpful Hero-Avatar.

Original lyrics available at


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