The sun rises upon Medievia. From Sea's End to Thanos, people are getting ready
for another day full of promise. Traders are pulling in the night's last
wagons, creatures of the dark are retreating to their places of hiding to
prepare yet another night of carnage, and thieves are joyful, for they can
scan, once again.
Yet, there is one person for whom this bright object appearing in the sky
comes more as a shock than it does as anything else. In fact, if they had been
wandering the God Halls at that very moment, one could have heard a frazzled
"Gruz... Is it day already?"
Squinting through the brilliant light of the medievian sunrise, the God Roirdei
shakes himself back into a state of relative conciousness.
He attempts to gather what fragmented recollections he has of the previous
night (one last herobattle, the mindlink, spammed, eyes all blurry, just
resting them for a second) as he gets up, stretches his aching muscles and
peers down at his desk.
Well, he is pretty sure that there is still a desk somewhere under the pile of
letters, scraps of paper with pairs of heroes scribbled down upon them in
haste, service notes, bits and pieces of his New God Training routine, and the
occasional AutoQuest draft here and there.
His eyes set upon a small piece of bright yellow paper, and the last of his
tiredness disappears in a flash. It reads:
Tomorrow is Christmas Eve!
One word : PRESENTS!
-Roirdei (you you dummy)
Oh dang... Christmas Eve already, and not a present for his friends and
Quickly, he uses some minor creation magic (it is, surprisingly, quite useful
as a God) to summon up a sheet of paper, takes out his trusty sapphire-tipped
quill, a sepia inkwell, and starts to draw up a lengthy list of Gods, in
alphabetical order, with the corresponding gifts:
Arethusa - The World's Largest Teddy Bear
Caeraela - Peace in Riverton
Columnus - A GodGift Keg of Beer that when rained upon Medievia will randomly
strike players like a Volkswagon from the sky
Durakoff - A Happy Hat
Enignon - A First Edition of every book ever written
Excrucior - A Zeksagmak Bean Bag to vent his frustration upon
Gamina - More Sleep
Halegor - A T.A.M. (Telepath Answering Machine, all the rage among Gods these
Janifrenis - An Extra 6 Hours in each day just for him
Kalithon - 10000 lbs of Marshmallow Cream, a Rubber Hose, a Shovel and 3
Kostia - A Small, Portable Sun for her living room (Protective Gloves not
Maleah - A Talking Pink Elephant to spend the long winter nights in heated
Masou - A Jukebox Singing Sword with the word Creed etched upon it
Melquiades - A Glass Blown Hookah filled with a swirling green mist
Mhordamis - A Blow-Up Doll (there is no talking him out of it)
Nykaul - A Hot Tub (It is COLD where she lives!!!)
Prae - Peace on Earth and Goodwill towards All
Reuan - The Creative Mortal Slaying Machine 9000. It has everything the
overworked God could want. Just tell it the names of the mortals on your hit
list, and it hunts them down and gives them each a special death. Over 9,000
finishing moves with update packs available every two months!
Ria - A Tanova Voodoo Doll
Solarina - A Silver Tigerstriped Persian Cat with a Blue Rose in its mouth
Soleil - A Cabin on the top of a REAL Mt. Vryce
Syltheana - A Dave Matthews CD in a Pineapple Purse
Taralynn - A Violet Chinchilla
Tiojen - A Little Remote Control that makes people's heads explode at the push
of a button
Vangroen - A Stopwatch that can stop time and let him accomplish all the things
he wants to do:
Punish all the naughty players in Medievia. (Which he hopes are not many
Give thanks to all the good players in Medievia. (Which he hopes there are
a lot of.)
Write a good zone.
Finish all his graduate studies.
Finish all his Christmas cookies and Hanukkah treats.
Find a great gift for the one he loves.
Spend more time with his parrot.
Time to drink a beer from every Stein he has collected. (On the same day.
He has thirty of them.)
Start a novel.
Finish a novel.
Vehlani - On the twelfth day of Christmas, I will give to Vehlani: 12 Coders
Coding, 11 Gripers Freezing, 10 Lords for Keeping, 9 Men for Fancying, 8 Maids
for Cleaning, 7 Wands of Disappearing, 6 Heroes Nonpraying, 5 RL Golden Rings,
4 Calling Cards, 3 French Men, 2 Mud Loves and an Unbankable Iron Key.
Ymris - A Cleaning Imp, for his office (An idea of Melisandi's)
Zenzer - His own race of Elves named the Zen'zerbians that wear Santa Claus
outfits and give out Pointed Candy Canes to Heroes and Dragon Crystals to
This done, he puts down his quill, pulls up his sleeves, and takes one final
glance at the list. Time to get down to business.
"Being a God sure has its perks...", he says to himself, surrounded in an
ethereal blue light, as the fabric of creation starts to blur and fold itself
... Flying in the clouds far above the great City of Medievia, a Giant Roc is
almost shot out of the air by a sudden burst of magical energy from the sky. It
swerves at the last moment, forcing its rider to hold on for dear life.
"Hey, watch it! I'm flyin' here!" it prays in anger, then resumes its previous
... The purple haze clouding the office slowly dissipates and Roirdei surveys
the piles of well-wrapped gifts all around him with a look of satisfaction.
"Well, that's that", says he, as he opens up a miniature black hole in which to
store the gifts until midnight.
Yet, he cannot help but think that somehow something is wrong. That he has
forgotten someone important...
"But of course, I have forgotten the most important of all!" he proclaims,
picking up his quill and his list once again. At the bottom of this, he
-Last but not least, the People of Medievia, to whom I give my utmost respect
and wish the very best of festive cheer. Merry Christmas.
Roirdei: Gods sanc us, every one!
And, as a special bonus to those who actually took the time to read their way
through this article (all the others won't be reading this, their loss), a
Special Treat : Alteneos' Letter to Santa, sent to me by mistake, for some odd
I would like a brand new pet dragon for Christmas. My current dragon is a bit
old and scared of the snow, so he's getting rather useless, especially this
time of the year. As long as the new dragon has clearance for all the major
airports and can handle the cold, he'll be ok. Also if you could deliver a
couple tons of dragon food (my neighbors are sadly missed) it would be great
help too. As I'm sure you've noticed, I've been extra good this year and feel I
deserve such a gift!
Thank you Santa,
P.S: If you feel that I have been extra nice this year, I could also find use
for a Red Ryder BB gun with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells
time because I've been finding some kobolds wandering around my backyard lately
and frankly they scare me...
I would like to thank all the Gods and Goddesses (*whistle*) who courageously
sacrificed their good name in the making of this article. They quite clearly
had no idea whatsoever of what they were getting into.
Disclamer : No Geese, Eagles, Griffons or other quill feather-bearing creatures
were hurt in the making of this article. Any resemblance to Gods and/or
Goddesses living and/or dead is entirely intentional.