Medievia Mudslinger

December 5, 2000

Medievia Cup Final - By Markalodidon

"Greetings to all our viewers. Here I am, seated at the Stadium de Medievia, situated in the suburbs of the City of Medievia. Today is a big occasion for twenty two inhabitants - it's the grand finale of the first season of the Medievian soccer league. This match will be contested between the fleet-footed elves of Alendora Athletic and the living dead of Eldrick's United. My co- commentator for today is Lear, King of Elves, from The Dark Forest of Wittermark. The team he coaches, Wittermark Winners, lost in a very closely contested semi-final against Eldrick's United. Hiya, King. Mind if I call you that?"

"Snicker, hiya Dark Strider. No, I don't mind - you mind if I call you Dark?"

"Not at all, King."

"So, what do think the outcome of this match will be King?"

"Hopefully, for all the spectators out there it will be a close match, with good ball skills shown on both sides. I personally would tip United to win"

"That wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that they beat you would it? Chortle"

"Hehe, no comment"

"Laugh, anyway, they should be just about ready to run out onto the field. The atmosphere is electric, with supporters from all over Medievia here, and not just supporters of the two teams playing. That's great to see"

"It is indeed, Dark"

"So here come the players of Eldrick's United, led onto the field by their captain and lead scorer, Rimulder. Listen to that roar from the crowd. These spectators are really excited!!"

"They sure are, Dark. When you think that this is the first final ever, it will be a great thing to tell your grandchildren one day - I was at that first final!"

"That it will be, King"

"Here come the players of Alendora Athletic. They are lead by their captain and star goalkeeper of the league this year, Da'rean. This should be a great contest between the two captains. One scores the goals, the other saves them! The referee for today will be the town crier from Medievia City. This will be a big day for him as well"

"For sure. All concerned here will definitely feel the adrenalin flowing by now - the players, ref, coaches, subs, linesmen and everyone else concerned"

"Well King, it looks as if they are about to kick off. There goes the whistle. This should be great!"

"Rimulder has the ball. He is looking dangerous. He flicks it inside to an undead soldier. Oh, great play. Brilliant skills shown there, an awesome one- two that has left Rimulder with acres of space and no-one to beat but Da'rean. He dummies left, then right and he goes left. What a powerful shot. Wow, great save from Da'rean there. Diving full length to his right, he just manages to keep it out. Corner kick to United."

"Welcome back. There's five minutes to go until the half time whistle. The score is 1-1, with Rimulder putting a blinder past Da'rean and the elves answering with one of their own by a guardian elf. With me still is King Lear."

"Yes, welcome back folks. We have a great game on our hands here. This should be a tight one right up until the end!"

"Right now, it is a falconer from Alendora who has the ball at his feet. Oh no, that was the most blatant foul I have ever seen. An undead corpse dumped him on his back, almost like a rugby tackle. That must surely be a red card offence!"

"Hang on, this doesn't look good. These elves are not happy with that tackle at all. They're pushing the undead soldier around. Here comes the ref, charging in to try and get the situation under control, because it's quickly becoming nasty out there!"

"Ouch, did you see that chop to the ribs the undead soldier just got? He's not gonna take that one lying down. Oh, what an uppercut! This is a free-for- all! Here come more players from both sides!"

"Da'rean and Rimulder are rushing in as well now! The ref has totally lost control of this. This could get dangerous if they don't break it up soon! No, no - that didn't just happen did it?"

"I'm afraid it did, King. One of the undead soldiers just took off one of the elves' heads with a blow from his sword. This is madness. It's meant to be a soccer game - fun for all concerned! Instead it is becoming a bloodbath!"

"This is a sad day for sport in Medievia. The fact that respected, worshipped mobs can just blow like this and start killing each other is appalling. Heads are literally rolling. The coaches are out on the field now, trying without much success to break the teams up. I can see at least six players laying there, dead or close to dying. They seem to be pulling apart a bit now. Wait, what is that? It appears Rimulder and Da'rean are having a go at each other. Whew, that slash only just missed Da'rean. They both look a right mess, with blood dripping from cuts all over their bodies. This has to be broken up before one of them kills the other. If that happens, all hell will break loose here. The fans will more than likely start to lay into one another! Somebody has to stop this! Dark? Dark? Where are you Dark?

"Oh my goodness, there goes the Dark Strider. He is heading for Rimulder and Da'rean. He just smashed Rimulder over the head with his sword. Rimulder has dropped, out cold. It looks like Da'rean is moving in for the kill! Snicker, not if Dark can help it... He just picked Da'rean up and flung him over the touch line. It seems to be calming down out there. The two camps are on opposite sides of the field, with a row of guardsmen between them. Rimulder is being helped slowly to his feet and Da'rean his hobbling off towards his team.

"This is terrible. From what I can see, it appears seven players are dead. Four from Alendora Athletic and three from Eldrick's United. It is a sad day for sport throughout the land. There go the stretcher-bearers. Will soccer ever be played again in Medievia after this tragedy? They should make a rule forbidding players, and even spectators to have weapons with them in the ground. Any weapons found must be confiscated.

"I guess it is time for me to say farewell from this tragic battleground that should have been a place of joy and celebration in less than an hour from now. Instead, bodies litter the ground and threats are being yelled out from all across the ground. Most of the audience have already left, departing before the violence extends into the crowd. The situation does not look good. Although the players have been broken up, there are fights breaking out all over the ground. I must leave now, before I get..."


"What the hell was that?..."



We regret to inform you that our live broadcast from Stadium de Medievia has been cut short. Due to unforseen circumstances, our connection with the commentators has been lost. Until next time you join us for Sports Watch, go well.