September 2, 2000
In the Common Room, the shouts from the nearby City of Medievia were shut out by the murmur of conversations, and the sound of empty glasses banging down onto the bar. The patrons of the Inn were gathered, waiting for the "Dinner Theatre" they had all read about in the 'Slinger earlier in the day to get under way.
Finally, as if he had been waiting for the crowd to get at least passably drunk from the overly strong ale served up at the bar, a greasy-looking minstrel stepped up onto the stage.
"Welcome, everyone, to the "Trader's Rest" Inn's very first Dinner Theatre!
"On the Menu tonight, a double serving of food and song that is sure to get your mouth watering!"
"Service is NOT included in your bill, so don't forget to tip your waitress. Please enjoy the show."
At this, the waitresses started combing the room, asking the patrons if they want the beef or the chicken, while on the stage, the bard pulled out an old harp that had clearly seen better days. He plucked a few cords, cleared his throat deeply and said:
"This song follows the popular tune of "Three Blind Mice", so feel free to sing along."
Zeksagmak,
Zeksagmak,
See how they run,
See how they run,
While trade running for their fill of gold,
They whooped and cheered over a dead kobold,
The map they found on it was many days old,
Zeksagmak,
Zeksagmak,
See how they run,
See how they run,
On Immortal channel they issue their call,
Their invitation does not lack in gall,
Many join in, because after all,
A small firelizard pops in and tugs at the minstrel's sleeve. He gives it a brief scowling glare, then resumes his singing.
Zeksagmak,
Zeksagmak,
See how they run,
See how they run,
They all come charging into your lair,
The first levels they clear out with care,
But soon they reach where no-one shall dare,
The firelizard tugged at his sleeve again, more insistant this time. The performer dealt it a mighty backhanded blow with his free hand. It was sent flying off the stage and into the crowd which cheered at this, thinking that it was all part of the show.
Zeksagmak,
Zeksagmak,
See how they run,
See how they run,
Frozen by your breath, you burn them and sear,
Send them home packing, clawed foot to the rear,
Brave, Strong and Foolish not to fear,
Zeksagmak,
Zeksagmak,
See how they run,
See how they run,
Though dreaming about it may be great fun,
The wise will proceed with utmost caution,
Before defying on the Ruby Dragon,
Zeksagmak,
Zeksagmak.
Enthusiastic clapping followed the end of the song, but was cut short as a booming voice from the Inn entrance growled:
"I couldn't have put it better myself..."
Turning around to this new voice, the crowd saw a single yellow slit of an eye peeking through the doorway, surrounded by a curtain of shimmering ruby scales.
The creature in the entrance puffed loudly, and a cloud of smoke blew into the room, making the patrons cough and wheeze.
"I couldn't help but notice that you weren't paying attention to my emissary, as friendly a firelizard as there can be, and even went so far as assaulting him. So I decided to come in person, as this is a matter I hold very close to heart..."
He took in a deep breath, and everyone cringed, half expecting for him to burn the Inn to the ground right then and there.
"You see, the name "Zeksagmak" happens to belong to ME," the entire Inn was shaken as he shouted out this word, "and as such I do not appreciate it being used without permission. I sent out my trusty firelizard with orders to gather my royalty fees, and all you people saw fit to do was give the poor creature a concussion!"
"It is funny that you were gathered here for a "Dinner Theatre", don't you think? Personally, I have never seen anything so amusing as a group of pitiful humans such as yourself, so I guess that that still leaves the "Dinner" part to take care of... "