Medievia Mudslinger

March 24th, 2002

Young Corpses, New Life - By Choja

(Concept from a previous article by Morac)

Synopsis

This book details the appropriate way to phase in to help a recently deceased newbie. It starts with a section about avoiding the common pitfalls encountered by those good-natured souls who consider it to be their life's work to help the needy. Further advice is given as to how to resurrect and the care and maintenance of your Gem of Souls. Remember - this advice could save someone else's life!

Aim

After reading through this short course book, you should be well on your way to understanding the bodily needs of a genuine newbie (tm). In this particular part of the course, after completing an imaginary theory exam to be held somewhere in the Grey-Matter Hall of Examination, you will be asked by your personal avatar trainer to demonstrate your understanding of this particular subject matter through field work. In the event that you're unable to find the Grey-Matter Hall of Examination, it is highly recommended that you immediately bring this to the attention of your local certified cleric. The cleric should at this point perform a regular physical check up to ensure you have the appropriate anatomy to function as an avatar. Once he/she is satisfied, or has healed you repeatedly and given you a misty potion, you will be given clear instructions on where to locate the Hall of Examination. For further assistance, feel free to contact your allocated avatar trainer.

Introduction

Welcome to part one of the new training course, where we (of the system) *will* assimilate you (of the non-system) to make you the best avatar there is. "Young Corpses, New Life" is an introductory lesson provided free of charge to all existing avatars. For standard heroes, the cost of tuition will be no more and no less than the submission of your personal details (financial or otherwise) outlined in HELP AVATAR *and* then gaining acceptance to this rank. Bribery in an attempt to gain acceptance will not work but don't let that stop you from trying.

As patience is a major factor in the life you will have ahead of you, the gods have decreed that the process of acceptance could take anywhere between the time of submission to your retirement in life. This ensures that those apply for the title are prepared to wait for a considerable time before gaining acceptance (and trust that it *will* take a considerable amount of time). At this point, if you are not yet an avatar, please refrain from reading further until you have followed the instructions outlined in this Introduction. Without admission into the ranks of avatars, you will not be permitted to take the imaginary test nor will your field work be evaluated for approval.

YOUNG CORPSES, NEW LIFE

Section 1 - When or when not to phase?

Most newbies in the world of Medievia soon get tired of the same old janitor, same old cat and/or the same old dog. They all want to become the stuff of legends that bards sing of, or heroes that maidens fall for. For most, this usually means venturing out into the wilds, or perhaps attempting to tackle Scruff, our beloved mascot. In a lot of these cases, these newbies often regrettably overestimate their own abilities and are soon overcame and felled to await the necromancer. This is where you, as an avatar, come into play. At this point in time, you may like to phase (at your leisure) to these poor souls and give the necromancer the holiday he always wanted and deserves. So what do you get out of doing this? Well, thanks to Mank, who is the Chief Executive Officer of the Incorporated Medievia Postal Services (IMPS for short), we have organised for any avatar who helps out in this to obtain a freshly minted souvenir finger for flaunting purposes. Sound good? Read on!

By reading this, I assume you are truly intending to help out the poor adventurers. If this is the case, then I'd recommend phasing sometime within one minute of the person dying - for while the necromancer may be inefficient with his time management, he sure gets his tasks done within a reasonable period of time! But there are more to helping newbies than simply phasing to them. As an example, how does one know what the newbie fell victim to - even the vaunted skills of an avatar are no match against the unstoppable winds of a tornado.

In the case of notification of a single death on the newbie clan channel, it is impossible to ascertain how the unfortunate victim died. In the case of multiple deaths, however, one can deduce whether they died from bad weather or from mobiles. It is logical and probable that if all the deaths occurred quickly but not at the same moment, then the newbies came across a tough opponent. This can be argued as it is difficult even for a powerful opponent to kill more than two or three people per round per mobile. If the deaths occurred all at the same time, however, then it is far more likely that the newbies died from a weather effect such as a tornado. The above are simply deductions and are not a guarantee, and one should always be wary of both weather and mobiles when phasing in to help. Casting of protective spells is a good way to prepare yourself against potentially hard opponents as is bringing friends. Refusing to heed this advice may result in your demise, especially if you are dangerously low on your health from a previous resurrection.

Additionally, you should have with you a word of recall potion when you phase - for the newbie may be stuck in a firestorm (where you are unable to resurrect or cast word of recall). Get the potion out and ready prior to phasing, so if you're unable to assist the newbie and are stuck in a firestorm, you'll be able to return to where you were prior to phasing. Well, unless you came from the local tavern, of course, but that is a matter of personal preference.

Section 2 - Common problems encountered when phasing

The number one common problem encountered by both new and old avatars when phasing to newbies is not checking the weather when he/she phases. Unfortunately, as with all errors, there are consequences that inevitably tag an avatar who makes the mistake, and it often isn't long before the consequence gleefully wreaks havoc on the mortal body.

So how does one avoid getting sucked up by the wind and twirled till the neck breaks then getting spat out and landing a few miles away, having the arms and legs all tangled up at a weird angle? Easy - immediately after phasing check the weather, or enter the safety and comfort of Medlink then attempt to unlink - there is a very short time frame in which this can be achieved (thanks to the unpredictability of the Medievian Laws of Nature). As easy as this may sound, one would be surprised by the number of avatars that fail to follow these few simple procedures when they enthusiastically mumble the prayer for phasing.

A second common problem faced by a lot of avatars is the collapsing of phase portals. This can be due to two reasons: the newbies could be out of range, or else they are located in an area disallowed by the Gods as phase points (the most common of these areas are commonly referred to as Neutral Player Killing areas). Unfortunately, despite the combined lobbying efforts of several groups including the "Medievia Guild of Avatars" and the "New Union of Avatars", the abovementioned limitations were not successfully removed. Because of this, you as an avatar will not be able to assist these adventurers and they will need to learn how to be restored to life through the standard procedures. Nonetheless, you can be sure that your political leaders are always hard at work to ensure the best working conditions for their members (though please note that some people are behind on their subs so can you ensure that your membership is up to date please?).

The next common error when phasing is fumbling of phase prayers. Did you slur two syllables together by accident? Or perhaps you switched the syllables around instead? Be sure you pronounce "Por Xen" correctly, not "Xor Pen" or any other variations. Always make sure your vitality is topped up and ready to go, and that you have trained and meditated hard to puzzle out the mysteries of life, hence increasing your overall wisdom. Please note that Firebreather should not be consumed while on duty as it has been known to have a deleterious effect on casting spells and it's bad for the image. If all else fails, use your brute strength and cunning to slay a ruby dragon. From its mystical hide rumour has it that you can create an artifact to reduce one's chance at fumbling a spell or prayer.

Finally, and the least commonly encountered by avatars is the blocking of phase prayers by the so-called new adventurer. In these cases, it is likely that these "new adventurers" are actually much more experienced people masquerading as newbies. More on this topic in the upcoming course book entitled "Idiot's Guide to Spotting Genuine Newbies".

Section 3 - So you phased successfully... now what?

After successfully phasing to the newbie with no immediately risk of dying, shield the room and survey the surrounding areas to make sure there's no immediate danger. If there are any mobiles in the room that you phased to, disable them with your superior abilities before even considering resurrecting the newbie. It would hardly do for you to resurrect the unfortunate person and then see him/her die again at the hand of the evil creature - or worse yet, *you* dying due to your weakened state after performing the ritual of resurrection. Some suggestions for disabling the mobiles include blinding them, fearing them, making them drowsy and hence fall asleep or ultimately (if the previous methods take too long) simply kill the mobiles. Some people have been known to bore them to death with tales of discussions on the immortal channel, but it is felt that this reflects badly on the institution as a whole and constitutes a cruel and unusual punishment. If you find yourself unable to conquer the strong creature that felled the newbie, don't be ashamed to flee and heal yourself up before entering the frenzy of combat again. Dying yourself is far less pleasant than losing face in front of a newbie - it also hurts.

Section 4 - The ritual of resurrection

When all is in order and there's relatively little chance of you being killed as you heroically and daringly rescue the little adventurer, get out your trusty gem of souls (or its equivalent if you prefer a different fantastical special effect other than the plain old red gem beaming forth a red light). Be sure to consult the accompanying documentations for the holy device if this is the first time you will be using it (or if you have not used it for a while). For the sake of those who purchased the gem second-hand, or from dodgy dealers, or else didn't sit and yearn with Berkovic like you were supposed to, I will reiterate the instructions here for a standard gem of souls.

Firstly, make sure that you're not under a firestorm - or, if you are, make sure that the gem is charged *and* you're willing to sacrifice a charge for a complete stranger. Note the latter almost never happens. Next, to initiate the ritual of resurrection, make sure you have sufficient mana. Attempting to resurrect someone without mana simply will not work and runs the risk of your vocal cords running dry.

Now, correctly hold the gem with your right hand with the smooth side of the gem facing towards the intended target of the magic. It should be stated that contrary to common gossip, resurrecting oneself, while harmless, is not at all beneficial to either the spellcaster or the recently deceased. It does, however, leave you with a nice tingly feeling but that sort of thing can become addictive so don't do it. When you have double-checked that you have correctly wielded the gem, be sure that the intended target is *not* absent (commonly referred to as "lost link"). If he/she is absent, feel free to wait a little while till their consciousness returns. If you get bored, feel free to repeatedly chant the avatar mantra - "patience is a virtue". Once the consciousness is present, recite the prayer on the corpse as follows: "Vas An Corp Kal Tym Mani".

If all goes well, then you should lose some of your strength, but the recently deceased should now up and about and be grovelling at your feet thanking you for their restored life. If the previous sentence does not happen in its entirety, then read the next section.

Section 5 - HELP!

If you are reading this, then *something* has gone terribly wrong.

If the newbie is not resurrected, did you make sure you...

If the newbie is resurrected, but isn't grovelling at your feet, then you have several options. The more positive (and preferred) options include:

Conclusion

If you have read the above words and know their true meaning, then by now you should be well on your way to becoming a better avatar. Know though that learning how to resurrect properly does not make a good avatar by itself. Stay tuned for the next part of the course - "Idiot's Guide to Spotting Newbies".

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