Medievia Mudslinger

December 23rd, 2001

Medievian Courses for Avatars - By Morac

(The ones they don't tell you about when you apply...)

The courses listed below are to help new avatars and refresh old ones in the different ways to help newbies. The courses run for a duration of three weeks of part time study or field work.

Each course is taught on a one to one basis by a god and requires a one thousand word essay (entitled "Why I want to help newbies, am I sane?") to be handed in at the end. A large part of the course is built around practical work (bringing newbies back to life and advising real newbies, not the tame kind) and there is some minor course reading involved.

Course Books:

Young Corpses, New Life.

This book details the appropriate way to phase in to help a recently deceased newbie. It starts with a section about checking the weather first so you don't die by the same tornado that killed the newbie, and contains advice so that you don't phase into the group of ten troll captains on the newbie's trade run. There are also a number of useful, but often ignored, pieces of advice, such as the correct way to hold your gem of souls.

Idiot's Guide to Spotting Newbies.

A must have for new avatars, with details of what makes someone a genuine newbie. This guide details the various tell-tale signs of what makes a newbie a fake newbie. Can you spot a CPK setup? Has a newbie called you by your real life name? Has a newbie commented about how it was back in the good old days of Med 3? We show you all these hints and more!

The Official "How to Help a Newbie" Quick Reference Guide.

This worthy tome contains all the key information on how to help a newbie. Confused by questions about the Refuge? Open this book at the center for a pop-up walkthrough. Golden Ring and Flasks of Holy Water - essential gear and every tweak and repop detail is mentioned in here. Potions for lower levels? You want them, we can show you where to get them.

101 Uses for a Newbie

This libram, bound in tanned Baenlyr hide, has a list of all the different things you can do with a newbie, from experiencing them to saving their lives in player killing zones. That's right, you too can take the backstab aimed at your junior friends. Guess what - this book will tell you how.

Courses for the New Avatar -

-How to not Mischannel to Immortal or Clan.

Many new avatars accidentally confuse the "av *message*" channel for the "imm *message*" channel. Want to avoid explaining how to get a Tarnished Copper Belt from the Graveyard to your Hero chums? Do your clannies need to know where the Golems are in their caverns? This course teaches simple techniques to avoid these problems.

-What the NPK in Fire Giants Keep is for, and what to do with those flutes.

Want to know what is down that hidden NPK passage in Firegiant's Keep? Not sure if you can force yourself not to enter CPK? This course will teach you all there is to know about satyrs and their funny little flutes. We even include a special pull out with ten of your favorite tunes scored for the Satyr flute in D minor.

-Why not to carry the Book of the Avatar into CPK.

Most people don't realize that the Book of the Avatar makes you a target in CPK. It's hard to believe with all the other items, such as max tweak flutes, Platinum Wands, Clear Jars and Golden Rings, but some people still want to loot the book. This course will tell you just why people covet the Book of the Avatar so much and how to avoid people looting it.

-Where to find newbies.

Not sure where to find those elusive newbies? Looked at all the main zones such as Demonforge or Elysium and still cant find any? Fear not as we will show you how to get to those nearly unheard of zones called Shadowclaw and Goblin Castle. These dangerous and wily areas are only for the truly cunning, but we'll show you the pitfalls and death traps you need to know about to survive.

-Ten ways to make the AVATAR flag nice and shiny.

Is your Avatar flag losing its sheen? Dust, dirt, and the general wear and tear of combat taking its toll? Fear not, for with this course you too can have that piece of text at it's pristine best once again. Forget the brand name cleaning lotions, we can teach you the three best varieties of Baenlyr oil and how to press it for yourself.

Courses for the More Experienced Avatar

-How to manage three newbies on telepath, newbie clan channel and pray all at once.

Complementing the mischannel course above, with this course you can learn to manipulate your telepathy along with pray responses, newbie clan talk, avatar talk, immortal channel chat and your client chat program. Sounds complicated? Indeed it is, but after mastering this course you will be at one with the universe and know what the sound of one hand clapping is like.

-How to make friends and influence newbies so they don't PK you when they hero.

Many people don't realize that befriending a newbie today might help you in PK tomorrow. We show you seventeen fail-safe methods of ensuring that those who you help will remember it, especially when you're being stalked by them in the more dangerous areas of Medievia. Not a course for the faint-hearted.

-How to make [AVATAR] into [CHAMPION AVATAR] and more

Is the Avatar flag not enough for your active lifestyle? Do you yearn for a title that would spam other players off the screen every time they walk into your room? Follow the advice in this course and you too could be known as "[LEGEND] [CHAMPION AVATAR] [DH] Prince (Yourname) (clan title) is here [IT]".

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