Medievia Mudslinger

March 24th, 2002

Answers and Questions - By Rapscallion

In the dark of the night-time streets of the City of Medievia, it takes a person skilled in the arts of scouting to observe the darker form that indicates a body in the gutter. Fortunately for the victim, the person who found him had a kind soul and a warm heart and she raised him to his feet, brushing off the filth from his clothes.

"Who - who are you?" he asked as his vision cleared.

"I’m called Annwyl," the woman replied gently. "Now let’s see, you don’t have too many nasty scratches but I’ll get those cured. What’s your name?" she asked as she brought a healing prayer to mind.

"Ooh! That tingles! I am known as Brisomdehelanon, Vanquisher of Worlds, Slayer of Dragons, the Iron Fist of the Worlds of the Nexus that Time Forgot," the young fellow announced grandly.

"You’re new here - right?" Annwyl asked as she finished with the chap’s shaving cuts. "What happened?" She sniffed the air around his head - if she didn’t know better then she could swear that he was...

"Well, it’s a touch embarrassing but I sort of died," Brisomdehelanon admitted with a sheepish expression.

"That happens a lot around here," she told him. "What happened after that?"

"That’s the funny thing, you see," Brisomdehelanon replied. "This guy came up and tripped over me. It took him a while to get back on his feet but when he’d seen what he’d tripped over he shouted out something. ‘Fear not, for I am an Avatar!’"

"That’s melodramatic but not a problem. So he brought you back to life?" Annwyl asked.

"Well, first of all he started pointing at a bit of silver sticking paper on the front of his robes that said ‘avatar’ in smudged ink, telling everyone that he would take of everything. But then he got out his Gem of Souls," Brisomdehelanon explained. Annwyl frowned - this wasn’t quite normal conduct by any means.

"So he brought you back to life? Good, so what then?" she asked.

"Oh - he didn’t do that. He tried to bring out his Gem but he couldn’t find it. I could see that it was suck behind his ear but I couldn’t move a muscle. Eventually I became a zombie and found an altar and worked out how to get alive again. I walked back to thank him for trying and he was still there rummaging through his pockets," the trainee warrior said. "Well, at least he tried." Annwyl had a sinking feeling that she knew who this was.

"He saw me and saw his Gem and aimed it at me," Brisomdehelanon continued. "He even tried to cast the spell on me even though I was alive which I thought was a very nice gesture. A bit late but well meaning I thought."

"I see," Annwyl observed in a carefully neutral tone of voice.

"Obviously it didn’t work but he fell over," Brisomdehelanon added.

"Fell over?" Annwyl asked, rubbing her temples. A headache was building up there - she knew it.

"Well, it had taken it right out of him, you see. He’d been resurrecting people all day long, which I thought was very nice of him. He told me that it used a lot of his energy and that he needed some healing potions. I offered to take him to the clerics but he wouldn’t hear of it," the warrior announced proudly.

"Let me guess - he needed a sit-down and a drink?" Annwyl asked suspiciously. "The Taverna Altruistica was nearby - right?"

"As luck would have it, it was. How did you know? Anyway, I got him propped up against the bar and he seemed to revive a little. Enough to order drinks for both of us. When they came he even paid for them," the newbie added with a smile.

"Oh, it’s not who I thought after all,"” Annwyl muttered.

"Well, he would have if he’d not just left his coin pouch at home that morning. Well, he’d tried to pay for mine so I paid for them all myself," the young fellow declared proudly.

"I see." Annwyl’s voice could have been used to chill the stocks of the Altruistica.

"He said it was generous of me and that I was a very nice person and that I was a very good friend," Brisomdehelanon added with a proud smile. "I ended up being so nice I woke up under a table and I managed to get outside for some fresh air where you found me. I think I missed the sing-song he was going to arrange, though," he added with a frown.

"Look - if you need a hand in the future then stick to these," Annwyl cautioned him, slipping a few green potions into the fellow’s hands. "Now, Vanquisher of Worlds and Slayer of Dragons..."

"...the Iron Fist of the Worlds of the Nexus that Time Forgot," Brisomdehelanon chipped in helpfully.

"... I suggest you try the Imps a few streets south of here. They’re a bit easier and they’re overrunning the place," she advised. "I have to go and talk to someone." With that she girded her loins and set off to the nearby tavern, leaving the trainee warrior in the street with his prizes.

Annwyl halted at the door to the Taverna. Behaviour like that was inexcusable - she’d give him a piece of her mind if he hadn’t been thrown out by now. A voice raised in song sounded from within and she listened - that was him if ever she had heard him singing. For a moment she prepared to rush in but dove aside at the last moment as a crowd of drinkers barrelled out of the door in search of escape and blessed silence.

Annwyl dusted herself off and headed for the door again. At least she wouldn’t have to wade through a drunken crowd to get to him this time. Her ears picked up the voice and her bottom lip quivered. She’d faced eldritch beasts and hideous ranks of the undead... but this?

"I’ll get him in the morning," she grumbled as she ran in search of her bed and a really thick pillow to stick her head under.

Yes folks - it’s song competition time again. The latest competition received only two entries and neither of these were correct. The answer was actually 'Camoflage' by Stan Ridgeway and the lyrics can be found at

The challenge has, in time honoured tradition, been carried over to the next issue and the reward has been increased to TWO million gold coins for the person to work out this new song. Just which song had Rapscallion been medifying in the Taverna Altruistica to make everyone flee in panic? What he sang looked a little like this...

These days it's great to be a newbie
With bars and DCs in your mail
You'll have some great times
In Med's varying climes
With help files ready so you do not fail
So when you log on you'll stay here
With all that knowledge you’ll have to cram
And as you play Med
Keep this in your head
We want you to refrain from causing spam

Don't type your spam
Leave us all clean screens to read
Even though from scratches you bleed
And need a heal at recall

Don't type your spam
To tell us what you're selling
When at recall you're yelling
Don't type your spam

Don't type your spam
You'll be much more liked by far
We just won't know who you are
Don't type your spam

As usual, entries must be emailed to Rapscallion and to no other destination. Please include your ingame name and the title of the song you think he’s taken off.

As a hint we would like to suggest that this is a famous piece of Country and Western and the initials of the original singer are T.W. - happy guessing :)


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