Medievia Mudslinger

November 24th, 2002

The Altar of Trellor - by The Undead Corpse of Rozz, critic

Last weekend I had what turned out to be the distinct pleasure of shuffling off my mortal coil in Trellor. Now, while many see death as an inconvenience, I have (as a single class warrior) become quite used to what I like to call 'my little vacations from life'. The Altar of Trellor managed to live up to that, without the facetiousness. Providing one of the most relaxing venues I have had the pleasure of haunting. It's not quite Club Ded, no sandy white beaches or anything, but it is several steps above the 'rustic' wilderness shrines we are all familiar with.

At first I had my doubts, it seemed that with the Temple's trendy image and downtown location, that I might have difficulties with local dogs, amongst other scavengers and carrion feeders, not to mention getting a resurrection as a shamble-in (I did not have the foresight to make a reservation). Admittedly, I have always been biased against crowded jet-setter type Altars. For some time now it has been this cadaver's opinion, that as social as they can make you feel, they are very rarely worth the risks involved. Sure, you have other unfortunates to chat with while you wait, but you also run the risk of ending up with some stranger's limb instead of your own. This can really happen, and is potentially embarrassing, especially if the former owner had a large heart-shaped tattoo, emblazoned with the name 'Captain Amos'.

Happily there is no danger of that in Trellor, with their ample facilities and sincere dead-customer service standards. The temple has more than enough clergy and space to resurrect any number of ambulatory corpses and, more importantly, seat them comfortably while they wait. The staff (as well as being numerous) were friendly and swift, and paid attention to the details - making sure to bring you a bucket if your intestines happen to be falling out, stuffing pot pourri into the hole in your head to hide the smell, and just generally taking that extra minute to give you the impression that they cared.

The resurrection ceremony, performed by a staff Priest, was tasteful and short, without the rushed feel that you get at some of the more populated spots. Rather, after spending my obligatory ten odd minutes, rotting peacefully among aisles adorned with fresh cut flowers, and listening to a choir unmatched in Medievia (except perhaps by the 'Altared Boys' of the Xezhada), the resurrection actually caught me by surprise. One moment I was a blissful corpse, eyes closed during the crescendo of a very stirring hymn, the next I was opening my eyes to find myself alive again, but also naked and filthy, half submerged in a pool of stagnant sewer water below the central square. Which just goes to show really that sometimes you are not really living until you are a corpse.

The only issue that I have with the Temple is this. The decor, though wonderfully lavish, tended a little bit towards the cramped, and I fell at least three times before I made it to the altar itself. On top of that, no pun intended, the Altar is located at the very top of the temple. Now I would like to think that I leave a healthy corpse, but let me tell you, the walk nearly killed me. Granted, the staff were there to help pick up my various bits and pieces, but frankly, if you expect to accommodate a large sized clientele of corpses, you should know to keep the aisles clear. All in all, however, this is one of the better altars I have had the pleasure of being dead at, therefore I give it four out of five stars.

In every living person, there is a dead person waiting to get out.


Copyright (c) 1992-2018, Inc. All Rights Reserved
Mudslinger is a trademark (Tm) of, Inc.
No portion of the MudSlinger may be reproduced without the express written consent of, Inc.