November 24th, 2002
The Altar of Trellor - by The Undead Corpse of Rozz, critic
Last weekend I had what turned out to be the distinct pleasure of
shuffling off my mortal coil in Trellor. Now, while many see death as an
inconvenience, I have (as a single class warrior) become quite used to
what I like to call 'my little vacations from life'. The Altar of Trellor
managed to live up to that, without the facetiousness. Providing one of
the most relaxing venues I have had the pleasure of haunting. It's not
quite Club Ded, no sandy white beaches or anything, but it is several
steps above the 'rustic' wilderness shrines we are all familiar with.
At first I had my doubts, it seemed that with the Temple's trendy image
and downtown location, that I might have difficulties with local dogs,
amongst other scavengers and carrion feeders, not to mention getting a
resurrection as a shamble-in (I did not have the foresight to make a
reservation). Admittedly, I have always been biased against crowded
jet-setter type Altars. For some time now it has been this cadaver's
opinion, that as social as they can make you feel, they are very rarely worth
the risks involved. Sure, you have other unfortunates to chat with
while you wait, but you also run the risk of ending up with some stranger's
limb instead of your own. This can really happen, and is potentially
embarrassing, especially if the former owner had a large heart-shaped
tattoo, emblazoned with the name 'Captain Amos'.
Happily there is no danger of that in Trellor, with their ample
facilities and sincere dead-customer service standards. The temple has more
than enough clergy and space to resurrect any number of ambulatory
corpses and, more importantly, seat them comfortably while they wait. The
staff (as well as being numerous) were friendly and swift, and paid
attention to the details - making sure to bring you a bucket if your
intestines happen to be falling out, stuffing pot pourri into the hole in your
head to hide the smell, and just generally taking that extra minute to
give you the impression that they cared.
The resurrection ceremony, performed by a staff Priest, was tasteful
and short, without the rushed feel that you get at some of the more
populated spots. Rather, after spending my obligatory ten odd minutes,
rotting peacefully among aisles adorned with fresh cut flowers, and listening
to a choir unmatched in Medievia (except perhaps by the 'Altared Boys' of
the Xezhada), the resurrection actually caught me by surprise. One
moment I was a blissful corpse, eyes closed during the crescendo of a very
stirring hymn, the next I was opening my eyes to find myself alive
again, but also naked and filthy, half submerged in a pool of stagnant
sewer water below the central square. Which just goes to show really that
sometimes you are not really living until you are a corpse.
The only issue that I have with the Temple is this. The decor, though
wonderfully lavish, tended a little bit towards the cramped, and I fell
at least three times before I made it to the altar itself. On top of
that, no pun intended, the Altar is located at the very top of the
temple. Now I would like to think that I leave a healthy corpse, but let me
tell you, the walk nearly killed me. Granted, the staff were there to
help pick up my various bits and pieces, but frankly, if you expect to
accommodate a large sized clientele of corpses, you should know to keep
the aisles clear. All in all, however, this is one of the better altars I
have had the pleasure of being dead at, therefore I give it four out of
In every living person, there is a dead person waiting to get out.
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