Medievia Mudslinger

September 26, 1999

The Slightly Abridged Medievian Guide to Everything Affectionate -- By Eladar

In Medievia, the art of the flirt is one of careful seduction. With hundreds of players, and many eligable (and most likely bored) individuals, things are bound to happen. But in a realm of text, what can one do to show that you care? How do you GET someone to care about? (or at least just want some attention) Well, look no further; for you have found the SLIGHTLY Abridged Medievian Guide to Everything Affectionate. I say slightly abringed because we couldn't be too in depth... for rating purposes, we'll try to keep this PG13 or so.

Now, since there are quite a few levels of involvement found on Med, we'll start with the most basic. The pick up line, the hello, or if you're not new to this, the ensnarement! I'm sure that you have heard a few of the pick up lines, but here is a few more: ** note: I am not personally responsible for the corniness; I disavow any responsibility for results**

(Anyclass to Warrior): Is that a longsword in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

(Anyclass to Warrior): So I've always wondered, what DO warriors wear under their armor?

(Anyclass to Anyone wearing shimmering leggings): Boy, those are some pants you have, I can see myself in them right now!

(Anyclass to Mage): You know, I always wondered if it was the size of the wand or the way the wizard waves it, wanna find out with me? (also sub longsword for wand)

(Anyclass to Thief): You know, you're almost as good at stealing those roots as you are at stealing my heart.

If pickup lines aren't for you, then I suggest gifts. There is an abundance of items which melt the heart, or intrigue the mind. Perhaps the most common is the dozen roses. These can be found rather easily by doing Gypsy Camp. A little more personal is the arry of flowers found at the Academy of Braneri! A lonely rose is good for those solitary ones. Cute tulips, and pansies (a subtle hint for a non-pking clannie) abound. Should the object of your intensions not LIKE these, there are Tiger Orchids to be found at the Pyramid after resets. These are a good idea if the reciever is a little fiesty, and enjoys more personal gifts. The orchid in Derah has always been a collectors item, but serves to be a sweet reminder. There are lillies, boquets of flowers and many others that are sure to be interesting items, but there are two particular ones. The black Death Knight rose, and the blue rose. Blues are created by Gods, so should you find yourself on the recieveing end of one of these little beauties, you know that someone went to some expense to get it.

Other rather interesting items to grab include: padded hand cuffs for that .. err... very close someone. Angelís wings/halos. (Say that you think they dropped these somewhere, or if it's a halo, that they left it on the bedpost last night) The ever-popular cookie from stone city. (they wouldn't give YOU any cookie, so you decided to give them some). Then of course there's lovers lane, which I find kinda over-done and sometimes impersonal, but for those times that anyone has a bad day, a teddybear works as a cure-all. Everybody needs a wocket for their pocket, and chocolate + girl = happy girl. But use with care, don't want them thinking you're just fattening them up! A unique gift can be bought at any of the gem retailers or gotten by doing various mobs that load chests of jewels. Diamonds are a girl's best friends (next to chocolate) and they adore it when you find a jewel to match their eye color. (Green= emerald, Diamond= grey, Sapphire= blue, and I guess you could find a tiger's eye jewel for the brown-eyed vixens)

Attire is important, especially for weddings, or when you choose to make a presentation to the intended. Now, I'm not going to call anything downright tacky, but here are some suggestions for a tasteful and origional wardrobe.

Guys: you CAN'T beat the leisure suit. Tuxes work well, but itís entirely too much to wear. I won't begin to go into the underwear debate, that's totally in your hands, but Fred and Vicky's is a great source. Personally I would wear a loincloth, but the girlies dig silk. If you can manage, go with a soft woolen blanket or griffon blanket and a one other item of your choosing, they like the sexy-cuddly thing, and being pounced upon is a good thing. The scarfs of Warmth are good, and you can always make up a line about "more than one way to keep warm if we share this!" If you're into the female wardrobe... I won't go there either, but follow the principles set down in the "Girls" section, okay?

Girls: You've got a gigantic selection of clothing, so it's just a matter of picking to fit the mood. Fire dresses from Vale are always intriguing, but black silk dresses, dragonskin ones, sumptious green (like Scarlett O'hara in gone with the wind, droool...) are a little less generic. Once again, F&V's is a good source, gotta love those spiked heels. I really find it more interesting if things are NOT in fire-engine red though, so have a care as to how you scantily clothe yourself. Generally you have it easy, simply because the guys will always pounce you, even if you're wearing that swamp dress (a feather duster plus a careful selection from F&V's completes that ALWAYS pluse-increasing french maid outfit). There is of course headware, with tiaras, circlets, nets of jewels, or um... masks.... either leather or non.*cough* BUT ANYWAY, if ya got it, flaunt it, a man's imagination is an expansive thing.

Now that you've got your duds, what should you do? There are several nice places on the mud to have... conversations... in clantown 69, a comfy little space exists all e and up from recall, the glade in trellor is a good setting, as well as the various ... ah... unique rooms of Medlink. However, should you choose to make a production out of this little outing, here are some ideas:

Go picnic! Trellor is a great source for griffon stew, coffee, fresh berries, on and on. You can even pick up a chef's hat from Shadowclaw and have some fun with it. (please note, I wonít mention anything other than there are quite a few applications for berries and whipped cream)

A poetry session! Grab a book of bad poetry, some other documents, books or whatever, and woo your love with tongue and lips! (shame on you, I meant by reciting poetry! Dirty minds! Just filthy!)

A celebration! Pick up some festive party streamers, emergency flares and the like for a par-tay, wine glasses and champange are always a nice accompaniment. These are good for weddings, anniversries, birthdays, or just drunken orgies... err... I mean when someone multies...

But of course, in conjunction with all this, one should keep one very very important item in mind.... THE BOOZE. From vodka to beer, firebreathers to wine, Medievia is stocked. A bottle of Absolut from Vask's office, or a delicate selection from Wytherwind's cellars... the choice is yours. Try to use your best judgement, but I always have fun grabbing fresh oranges and vodka for a relaxing screwdriver on the big black couch while recalling your most recent and frustrating pk loss.

If you're looking for items that arent quite as suggestive as all that, try Trellor's pawn shop. Here there exists a fun collection of items to give to clannies and people close to you. A rabbit-ear'd hat is good for the clan clown, a cattle prod for that one REALLY stubborn clannie who won't attend traderuns unless threatened, the sundial wristwatch for the one who takes about 30 minutes to unload excess eq so they can go combing and more!

I'm SURE there are items I forgot or ideas I did not propose, so I leave the rest up to you!

Happy Mudding,